As people do the 67 step coaching, it becomes obvious to me that they have a very small social circle of people who they can count on.
Yes, some people have family, but I would not count on family, or only family if I were you.
When you have no one to call who is happy to take your call, you go through bouts of loneliness, aloneness, and maybe even depression. Even if you are in a position to have a lot of students, like I do.
You can’t and should not call your students when you are lonely… that would be using them for something they didn’t sign up for.
When I look, all the friends I have are from some course, program, that was long enough for me to build a relationship. And when I say ‘build’ I mean blood sweat and tears…
After a certain age people are not set up to make new friends easily, but if you work hard enough, they will accept you and will relent.
Dale Carnegie’s famous book, How to win friends and influence people is absolutely accurate in that if you want to make a friend, make what you talk about, about them.
Being smart, or knowing a lot may work when you are young, but when you are at an age where you could have children, making others smart and appreciating what they know is a whole lot more effective in making them like you…
All friendship is based on liking…
No one can like you if you are all about yourself. Even if you are only 70% about yourself. That conflicts with their ‘about-me’ score…
This is true whether you are selling friendship or selling a product, by the way. The more you are about them, the more willing they are to buy.
I lead these 2-3-4 hour long workshops that are excruciatingly difficult for me, hard work, and hardly any fun, even if and when I laugh a lot… which is most of the time.
I am always surprised when people tell me the workshop was fun and great. Sometimes it takes me 2-3 days to recover, and have myself. Meaning: the workshops are all about the participants, and none about me…
Even my articles aren’t about me. Even my Sunday calls aren’t about me.
People who are very successful live a life that is not about them, not even about what the life seems to be about: their projects, their lives is about the people who follow them. Really.
People, whose about-me score is sky-high, even if they are at your service, even if they help you, are not liked… and they don’t like you either. You can’t really connect with them: their umbilical cord is turned around and connect back to them… nothing to connect with.
When I have to talk to a person whose about-me score is very high (Obviously I can measure with muscletesting while I am connected to Source so it’s not my opinion) I recoil. I hear no echo. I feel no resonance over there. And I just simply don’t want to talk to them.
I tighten up. I don’t know about you, but when you tighten up, there is no chance for you to enjoy what you are doing, including talking to someone.
I think that that reaction is innate. It somehow translates to being threatened, being attacked.
If your about-me score is very high, this will happen with regularity, regardless of the other person’s about-me score. If your about-me score is normal, 5-30%, only real high about-me score people will awaken in you that tightness.
My about-me score is 7%. Even when it was highest, it was 60%. But I remember in my early Landmark Education days I was told that it was too high, that I used up space and not provide (for others).
Service of any kind needs you to have a low about-me score…
Interestingly, people with a very high about-me score don’t take care of themselves. Which seems like a contradiction, but it may not be one. I think they expect other people to take care of them. Fan their ego. Wipe their behind. You know the kind.
In fact the higher your about-me score, the higher your concern for your precious I, that is your delusional ‘I’, that fancies itself deserving without work, deserving of rewards, respect, being valued, looked up upon, and to always come out on top.
Life doesn’t go well for you if your about-me score is high. Life didn’t go well for me when my about-me number was 60%. Mine never went higher, but I remember that I was not happy, I was always ready to be offended, and felt like a victim.
I had an unexpected and spectacular result with one of my 99% about-me students about a week ago.
I simply said: It is time to grow up.
Why did it work? I have no idea. But sometimes a simple sentence can straighten out someone in a minute.
It is possible that our child self is what makes us entitled, and holding out our hand, and fancies ourselves deserving everything.
So maybe this simple sentence will work for you too: It is time to grow up.
If you are not currently a student of mine, I recommend that you come to one of my free Wednesday workshops. Why? Because you need to know if you can even tolerate my style, if you have affinity with me, and only secondarily for the content.
The content is valuable, rare, unique, and worth a lot of money… if you use it.
But if you don’t like me, if you can’t stand me, if I rub you the wrong way, you won’t use it: guaranteed.
I prefer people who have had their starting point measurements done, so I can go to it for guidance…
If you are in the United States: happy Memorial Days to you. It went from snowing to summer here in 10 days… 🙁
Register in Wednesday’s webinar.
Register in Wednesday’s webinar
