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Last night I spent a lot of time looking at a deluge of memories of things I’ve done that I am ashamed of
I just slashed my finger for the third time this morning. I will have a hard time muscletesting for a bit… Here is what happened:
Last night in bed I spent a lot of time looking at a deluge of memories of things I did that I am ashamed of.
They came, vividly, fast and furious, things I have long forgotten, things I am not proud of.
I resisted the temptation to explain them away, I resisted turning away. I resisted saying they are wrong.
I felt like my students when they say ‘there is nothing wrong in reality’ and they struggle to make it so for themselves emotionally. But I succeeded and I slept long and peacefully… I got all that stuff out of my system.
I didn’t mean to write about it today, but then again: I have to.
Why? Because almost everything that ever happened to us that we call wrong was co-creative: we participated in it to make it wrong. Either by saying: it is wrong, or actually making it wrong.
Yesterday I gave a harsh feedback to two of my students with the hardest soul correction, the soul correction that has only one move: make things, people, wrong.
If I ever want to take them to the Promised Land, I need to help them unsay those wrongs…
You can’t take anything that is wrong with you to the Promised Land.
There is an emotional investment in dealing with the so-called wrongs, depending on your soul correction.
If you say that ‘they’ were not wrong, then you’ll need to deal with the inevitable guilt: you are, you were the perpetrator.
Unless you are a psychopath who can’t feel guilty, you’ll feel guilt, shame, and unless ultimately take responsibility, it will poison your life, your children’s life.
I have had clients quit, because I brought up, instinctively, the kinds of things they did that people tend to feel guilty about. Instead of facing the tiger, they quit. It’s a lot like running away from a surgery that can save your life.
Guilt that you hold onto serves one purpose only: to balance out that you are not willing to take responsibility for what you did, what you said, what you felt.
What are you guilty of? You violated some rule, some law, you wanted something at the expense of another. Even as small as being right, making the other look bad, dominate, invalidate another.
Desire to receive for the self alone. The moves that cause a win-lose result.
Most of you can’t even see it, let alone own it.
This is the evolutionary level of humanity now. The age of wars, the age of petty disagreements, of hoarding, of stealing, robbing, lying, cheating, yes, you too. Of political parties. Of who is right and who is wrong.
Psychopathy, interestingly, isn’t a yes/no systemic value. It is, in differing levels, in everyone.
My students range from zero percent to 90% on the psychopathy scale.
My guess is that it isn’t even personal. It is predetermined by the soul correction.
Ultimately, every soul correction must deal with a certain kind of desire to receive for the self alone.
All the Bach Flowers/Bach Energies attend to one specific kind of desire to receive for the self alone.
What clues you in what is your opponent in your quest to become a Human Being is what you complain about.
Whenever you complain you are in ‘the boxing ring’ with the Opponent. It is impersonated by a he/she, by a system, by a rule, and you blame them for your emotions, your ineffectiveness, for your lack of success, lack of happiness.
Blaming is the synonym of complaining. Because is also almost always present.
Looking at my ton of shameful stuff in my past, I managed to not blame it on anyone or anything. I managed to avoid the trap of guilt. I said: I did the best I saw I could in the circumstances.
I did it. I am not proud of it. But I am here, instead of being dead… and of that I am proud of.
You always act in accordance with what you see. Inside, outside, no difference.
Seeing is the most important thing. Not knowing, not thinking. Seeing. If it goes with considering, then it is a choice. If it goes with deciding, then it is not a choice.
Considering is a mental pause where you actually look. Contemplate. Look from more angles than your own. And then choose.
ONLY when you could choose the opposite of something is it a real choice. I bet you have never had that experience.
When you don’t seem to have a choice, you are not choosing. Something is choosing for you.
Your rage, your pretentiousness, your race, religion, social standing, tradition, pride, cowardice, hunger, desire, greed, impatience… and I could write a whole slew of words, most of them are represented and countered in the Bach Energies.
And not surprisingly, with unhandled wrongdoing in your past, the main and dominant Bach Energy in your Bach Profile will be the ’42 No matter what I do: lying to get away with not doing, not giving, with stinginess. A big middle finger to the world. I won’t give you wood, even if you give me heat. haha.’
The stronger this ‘no matter what I do’ energy is, the higher you are on the psychopathy scale, and the harder it is to see, own, embrace the ways you try to rig the system, try to be right, look good, dominate, win, justify, and avoid responsibility in life.
Taking responsibility is one of the hardest skills to master.
Interestingly one of the requirements is a higher than 1 TLB score. TLB is the ability to stand and maybe even act in the face of hard, unpleasant, ugly, painful, etc.
Taking responsibility, owning your part in what is happening, is painful, like a surgery. It hurts and then you are much better. It is like cutting out cancer: now you can start living, breathing, rejoicing in life.
Your predatory genes anchor you in your way of being. The ideal number of predatory genes 3. If you have more or if you have less… you are forcing your way in life… hurting yourself and others.
How many predatory genes do you have?
