What’s the invisible dynamic that makes “It’s all in a day’s work” so transformative?
I have a different relationship to work than most people.
People at large want to do what they want to do, and don’t want to do what they don’t want to do. An attitude, a behavior, a maturity level of a 3-year old.
It is the level where most people got stuck, and now they are unhappy, because the world doesn’t respect their wishes, their rules, their “right”… so they are angry, pissed, reluctant, belligerent, feel slighted, lazy, stupid, clueless… whatever it takes to avoid playing life at life’s terms.
It’s easier to see it on misbehaving 6 year olds, than on adults… but it’s there.
Most of the time you can see it in the work area. Someone gives you more work, someone doesn’t provide you with all the information you need, and you are pissed. Railing against the offense.
But you get paid for the hours, not the amount of work you do… in most jobs.
And if you get paid for the work, then tell them your conditions. Tell them that you can do the work they were supposed to do for a charge… or if you can’t, tell them that you won’t do the work that is impossible without what they are supposed to do, and yet you still need to get paid. You don’t want clients like that.
Another version of this 3-year old behavior, when the person does work, no agreements, no pay, no acknowledgment, but then they get pissed…
We are, without seeing the underlying machine, little kids running around complaining that the world doesn’t make us happy. That the world, people, aren’t fair.
One of the purposes of school is to teach you how the world works. But if you got stuck in 3-year old intellectual/emotional level, everything school teaches is wrong… you know how it should be, and that is good enough for you.
Good enough for you, you say, and you get banged up every step of the way, because, just like on the dance floor, if you don’t know how to dance, every other dancer shows up as an impediment, an offense, an obstacle, a shouldn’t be.
This is education. If you know how the world works, then you also know how to manage your relationships with people who can’t, won’t dance with life… who are stuck in 3-year old.
In life there are consequences for not dancing. Misery, getting fired, getting stuck at the lowest level of the totem pole, having no power.
The language of this 3-year old has a lot of should, out to, the way it’s supposed to be, “it’s not fair”, or course.
And when they get banged up, when they trip, because they don’t know how the world works, they have a strong urge to call themselves stupid… I am so stupid…
But calling yourself stupid is a cop out. You are not stupid, you are clueless. You never grew up, you are interacting with the world as it should be, not the way it is.
You haven’t, aren’t learning.
The other response to getting banged up is getting pissed, getting angry. Frustrated.
Same thing, different disguise. You are unwilling to dance the way life dances. You are unwilling to find out how that is, and adjust your steps to it. No big deal, you are perfectly equipped to learn that.
You may call yourself a loser, but that is just another way to abdicate responsibility: it is you who is doing the steps that are losing not your innate nature of being a loser… really. Not the color of your skin, not your ethnicity, not your gender make you a loser… your unwillingness to learn the dance does.
People who you see are winning they learned at least some of the moves… and know how to respond.
You like to be in the driver’s seat? Then learn the moves in communication that always put you there. It is not rocket science. I taught my student that yesterday in a 2 1/2 hour long phone call… Priceless. Want to buy it? Email me… I’ll see if you are someone I want to sell a semi-private call…
For the rest of you: learn the invisible dynamics… the way life dances and the way your inner machine stops you from dancing with life.
Start with the racket… It is the most insidious, most cruel, hardest to recognize machine. Everybody has it: it is part of the human design.
I teach 53 invisibles in the 53 invisibles course.
If you buy it before the deadline, December 8, Sunday at midnight, I’ll send you an invitation to a workshop as a bonus, where I’ll teach the racket through coaching some of my students… and you can and will see yourself, and get smarter than 99% of humans anywhere.
Go to step 2
Thank you, Sophie! I’ll keep this article open as a reminder that I call the shots when it comes to what I do to get the results I want. I also start seeing ways to communicate this to my son.
But remember Sandra, that unless you know what the racket is that causes your or his resistance, avoidance, this will come back fast and furious