Can you trust yourself? No, not yet… You need a Paradigm Shift: Own what owns you
I get affirmation from wherever, when I am on the right path… here it goes: I just finished this article, and here is my Rob Brezsny horoscope…
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Burrow down as deep as you dare, Virgo. Give yourself pep talks as you descend toward the gritty core of every matter. Feel your way into the underground, where the roots meet the foundations. It’s time for you to explore the mysteries that are usually beneath your conscious awareness. You have a mandate to reacquaint yourself with where you came from and how you got to where you are now.
Make it yours… if you have the courage… So you can become free. The process is more intricate than Rob Brezsny indicates, but it is also more rewarding.
OK, onto the actual article…
I have this very interesting and troubling insight:
People want to learn to act from their inner authority without ever finding out the bad news about themselves:
…who they have been being, that “told” them to do all the things that made their lives not work, or not work as well as it could.
The registration rush to the Inner Authority course vs. the registration drip-drip to the what’s missing?/what’s the truth about you? workshops.
But this imbalance is based on a misunderstanding:
There is no “YOU” you should trust.
The YOU that you are is a Frankenstein monster built by your decisions when you felt you were losing, losing to life, losing to others. Decisions.
You, me, everyone.
And you got stuck at a level of living in survival mode, where your basic needs are not fulfilled,
- needs for security,
- to feel safe,
- your need for social approval,
- to fit into society,
- your need for information,
- your need to feel in a certain way (OK, a winner, attractive, liked, loved, appreciated, etc.),
- the need to look good and avoid looking bad by blaming others,
- the need to be right and make another wrong,
- the need to dominate or avoid domination of anything and anyone,
- the need to win and avoid losing.
- the need to match an ideal you made up: a good person, a successful person, a winner, a business man, etc.
Survival mode is 99% based in unreality. Based in lack. Based in made up ideals… made up. Not real.
Now, what happens if and when you take a course on learning to act, learning to trust your inner voices BEFORE you clean up the insides of you of these needs, unreal needs, made up needs?
Of course, the answers you’ll get will come from these needs, and will take you further into survival mode.
Survival mode means: living a life of real or imagined lack. A hunger, starving for whatever you fancy you lack.
And you’ll reach for that thing, even if it cost you your health, your livelihood, your becoming all you can become.
Here is an example:
1. One of my survival mode students wants to be heard, to feel valid, accepted more than anything.
He wants it more than he wants food, sex, sleep, anything.
So he wants to have friends. But he can’t… Because he repels people. Need repels people. It is not only banks that don’t lend you money when you need it, it is people too…
So he uses my programs to soothe his hunger, he neediness… He has as many partner calls as he can squeeze into his schedule, and when I start to take them away, when I realize what he is doing, he goes underground, and starts to have calls with people who are as needy as he is. It is like mutual masturbation… instead of having a sex partner.
I find out (he confesses to me) and I threaten him with the loss of my support… and he responds to me like I killed his first born. With hatred.
What you NEED is pretty predetermined by your soul correction, and soul correction is based on astrology somehow… I have no idea how, and I don’t really care.
My specialty is to find a way to turn homo sapiens into a human being: has never been done. This is my “divine” assignment.
Soul correction, as a concept, has a truth value of 60%… that is high enough for me. I just have to remember that it is a little like loose shoe, or a tight belt, not a glove that fits perfectly.
2. Here is another example: I am an insomniac, have been for 72 years. Why? Who knows.
I have started to take Valerian roots, but they smell like smelly feet… it turns my stomach. It smells unholy, rotten… and the idea that they will help me sleep is overpowered by the idea that I put something rotting in my body.
I remembered from before I left Hungary, that there used to be a Valerian tablet, coated is sugary goodness… so I asked my brother to buy me some and send them to me.
He did, and now he is not answering my skype, ignoring me.
He is angry at me. Why? Because suddenly the balance of benefits have shifted: he cannot tolerate being on the giving end of the spectrum: his soul correction is “Revealing the Dark Side”.
His whole life he has been trying to fill a gaping hole, a huge need to be given. I was born when he was 2 years old, I needed a lot of attention, and he felt neglected. He NEEDED to eat half of my formula. He NEEDED to hoard… He needed to hate me. He is married to a “Removing Hatred” person, and they now hate me together… not the first time in our history.
You can see that the anger, the hate is disproportionate to my “infraction”, it is a survival need.
I literally don’t know anyone who is in a real survival situation: all these needs are more entitlements than needs.
- I am entitled to have more because… baaaah
- I am entitled to this and that, because…
But if you look, these “needs” are the strings that move you, the are the puppet.
So unless you first can see them, and denounce them, weed them out, clean your inner world of them, your “inner” authority will be the needs talking.
You cannot create a life you can love and live powerfully with these needs active.
Love is accepting another exactly the way they are and exactly the way they aren’t.
In simpler terms: love is when you don’t have the NEED to change, to fix the other.
But this is true not just about loving people, but also about loving life, loving YOUR life, loving your job, loving a book, loving a dish, loving a diet, loving a course, loving winter, loving summer, loving anything.
Loving means: no NNED to change.
That doesn’t mean you can’t change, that doesn’t mean that you can’t see going higher with some change.
But that change isn’t fixing. Fixing means: you already said it was wrong.
My job is to make a lot of suggestions for change. Change of behavior, change of mindset, change of who and the how.
I can only do a good job, because I can see that there is nothing wrong with the person, with the behavior, with the mindset, any of it. I can see it about 91% of the time. 9% of the time I get angry just like you: I said that there is something wrong here. That is when I don’t do a good job: I speak from the same place where the “recipient” of my wrath lives: the horizontal plane. The Valley of the Shadow of Death. Fixing. It happens occasionally, thankfully not very often… and I also catch it fast…
In the Playground we spend ALL our time finding and identifying what we consider wrong. And hopefully seeing that it’s not wrong.
This goes against the culture of homo sapiens, the culture of fixing. So it is slow-going.
There is more work to do, in more ways than just the Playground. Even for Playground participants.
The What’s the truth about you/What’s missing workshop attempts to take you through the process of weeding and planting the new in three hours.
Does it work? Not completely… It does one part, the first part really well: It sheds the light on the invisible, unconscious ways of being, the how of yours, the how that come from fixing some needs that are weeds…
When you can
- take OWNERSHIP of them,
- when you can see that those ways of being are not necessary for a good life, not useful for a good life, not compatible with a good life,
- when you see that you have a choice about being that way or not,
the workshop did 70% of what needs to be done so you can move on to the upward leg of the program: creating a future, a future way of being.
But if you see the non-working ways of being, your being, as wrong that need to be fixed, you haven’t moved at all. You have been making yourself wrong all your life.
The crucial step is seeing that how you are being, who you are being, is not wrong: it is only a possible way of being.
It is not useful, it is not helpful, it is not constructive, it doesn’t get you to a life you can love, but NOT WRONG.
As long as you consider it wrong, you can only fix things… and remain on the horizontal plane of life, the Valley of the Shadow of Death.
What are the chances that you can take off and relocate on the vertical plane?
I won’t speak for all of humanity… I’ll speak for you, if you have the courage to look yourself square in the eye and see how you have been acting out of unwholesome needs.
If you make it to the workshop, your chances to see that there is nothing wrong are 10%. If you are in the Playground your chances are 30% or more.
Why not 100%? Because this simple sounding step needs a paradigm shift.
A paradigm shift is not easy to explain. Why? Because you have probably never had one… so the mind doesn’t know about it.
But to explain, I’ll use a model of the world, a model of consciousness.
Imagine that consciousness is a series of spheres with one way mirrors separating the spheres from each other.
Concentric spheres.
The often used picture of the fish jumping out of one fish bowl into the other is an inaccurate way to show paradigm shift… But I guess it is hard to demonstrate it in a picture.
So I’ll use the model of a house with many walls that look solid and impenetrable but they are really one way mirrors made of air: solid looking on one side, invisible on the other.
You are born in the house on the high consciousness end: you had use of the whole house… you never saw walls where there was none. The world was your oyster.
Then something happened, and you made a decision: it is wrong and I need to fix it… and that moved you out of some of the rooms of the house… and suddenly the house felt smaller.
And then something else happened…
Eventually, today, you live in one room… and don’t even remember that there used to be more rooms… joy, happiness, curiosity, love, tenderness, discovery. Today those live like a yearning, not something YOU CHOSE TO CUT AWAY (the meaning of the word: decision… to cut away) and pretend that you didn’t do it.
You cannot get it from others. You can only get them back if you reverse the process: you undeclare and undecide that something was wrong and needed to be fixed.
Really. It is appropriate to say f…ck now. It, they were always there… for the taking. And still are.
In the process where you own, one by one, the decisions you made, the decisions where you cut away the juicy part of life, you regain possession of the whole house, and you can create a future if you want.
No other way.
OK, now hate me as much as you want.
In every session of What’s the truth about you/what’s missing you discover another decision, another way you made life, the world, yourself, wrong. And you have a chance to own it and undo the decision.
What is it worth? On my budget it is worth $100, and I can afford to do it weekly.
On your budget it may be worth more or less…
Worth is in the eye of the beholder… Is it worth throwing money and time on the rest of your life, if the chances that you can win are only 10%?
Only you can say.
This article, I hope, explains what we are up to here more than anything I have ever said.
You can either hear it, or not. It all depends what size your “house” is at the present time.
The size of your house is very much corresponding to the size of your vibration.
There is also several paradigm shifts when you raise your vibration.
- at 150 anger becomes available.
- at 175 service becomes available
- at 200 responsibility and integrity become available
- at 250 creating yourself becomes available
Eleven students are in the Playground.
1 of them has a vibration of 250
7 of them has a vibration of 200
2 of them has a vibration of 170
and 1 of them has a vibration of 100
Even students who left, either voluntarily or were dismissed, have grown, except two people, who are solidly at 100.
So the process works, albeit not very fast.
This article and the conversations I record that clarify the purpose could make all the difference.
And now the What’s the truth… What’s missing… is added to the arsenal of weapons, tools we have to denounce the fixing horizontal plane, and elevate ourselves to the vertical.
And when that is done, to whatever degree, we are ready to reinvent ourselves and our lives, and start listening to our Inner Authority.
This means: I am holding off on that course… and will focus on getting the work done on the bottom floor…
I am excited. I think we’ll be able to turn a leaf.
PS: In my experience 200 vibration is where we can start seeing our role in the misery… because responsibility, the capacity to own what owns you, just became available.
