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In life, you have as much room to be as your environment grants you.
Room as in elbow room…
The environment you are in, at home, at work, at the pub, at the club, in the community van…
My brother has a lot of room to be when he is with his friends.
Then he is funny, he is smart, maybe even glib… that is the only place anywhere he has some room to be. Maybe he had room to be at work… he is retired now. Everywhere else he is under the ‘thumb’ of someone… under the tyranny of someone when he should be different, do different… never OK, never enough, never the one…
Except maybe his grandkids? they still adore him? for how long?
I left Hungary to have more room to be someone more than who I felt the environment allowed me there to be.
You marry someone with the hopes that they will grant you being… but this doesn’t work out. People marry for their own reasons not yours… They married you to fulfill their own agendas.
Living life with people is an obstacle course, and communication is key.
Everything can be resolved in communication… but none of us know how to communicate. We talk. But communicate? We don’t.
So it is not surprising that if we cannot communicate with a fellow human with whom we supposedly share a language and maybe our bed, we also can’t communicate with our cat.
- I can teach you a thing or two about the moves in communication with people
- I can also promise that everything can be resolved in communication…
- And I am almost certain that what you think is communication isn’t.
I had cats for 20 years. And I never learned to communicate with most of them… except maybe the first male cat I had: we had a non-verbal connection…
I have no cats now, but I still love cats.
They may not love me though… just like people may not love you, like you, tolerate you… and it is you who is at fault.
Of course, no communication will change the fact that if you have a cat, they run the household. But for many that is no problem.
If you want to get along with your kitties or kitty, (or people) learn their language so you can have a happier relationship.
Most people are unaware, unconscious, or just simply don’t care about the feedback they get. Most of my clients are that way… no adjustment, no awareness, no improvement… They are locked into ‘I am this way and this is the right way to be’ mode… and thus they are inflexible… not liked, and not successful.
From time to time I manage to get through to a client and tweak their behavior or communication. The resistance is tremendous. More often than not I need at least an hour conversation for them to relent and at least try.
Everything you ever wanted comes from other people. And therefore communication is the most determinant of what you get in life: the quality of your life.
But For some reason, it is communication that gets the least of our energy
Even though it is 90% determinant of the quality of our lives and actions.
The 80/20 rule
Vilfredo Pareto, an engineer, observed that 20 percent of our efforts produce 80% of our results.
Effective communication produces an even higher percentage of the results; it’s 90%.
But like with nearly everything, your instincts say the opposite of what would work. The polar opposite.
So you do the unimportant and ineffective 90% of the time… with no results or meager results.
You listen to your instincts and you lose.
It takes courage to swim against the tide. To communicate. Even with your cat… lol.
Why is communication so effective? Because we live in a word-based world, and words create worlds…
and words create context for everything.
And context is decisive. Unless you create context, people are left with their default context and that is not going to be good for you.
The most important part of communication is creating context… Context for what? Context of what is happening… so people can get to our side instead of fighting us every step, tooth and nail.
If you learn nothing else but how to create context that garners support, you get the most important 10% of communication that produces the 90% of what makes it work.
They call it Pareto Squared… ok, I lied. I’ll call it Pareto Squared… lol.
It is part of the Communication Workshop I am working on.
PPS: I am experimenting with conducting my Friday call more like a course. One overarching topic, lots of examples, no side-stories. The 1% that transforms the whole…
Just master 1% and 99% of your issues transform, disappear, and you go from ineffective and complaining, to eventually effective if you keep it up.
You will be on the most economical path with the least amount of work to become an amazing person.
When I look at billionaires, this 1% is what they all mastered, this 1% skill. Each and every one of them.
Will listening to one of my calls do it for you? It could… or it could be the starting point where you know exactly what is the pivoting point, the linchpin capacity… and put all your eggs into that basket.
Want to hear the call?
Get the call with the secret pivoting pointPS: I just had another call and went deeper with the pivoting point… I may offer some parts of that call later… But if you are in the Self program, we’ll definitely go deeper tomorrow…
