Building your self-esteem around things that hurt you?

I am going to quote an email from Tai Lopez, because it is so useful.

He talks about a conversation with the founder of Quest bars… A protein bar I would never touch… but the guy is smart, at least what he says here is very smart, and I wish I had said what he said: (I got stuck at a few sentences, so I changed them around hoping they make more sense that way)

When I asked him what was ONE lesson he learned while scaling his business at a rate of 57,000% in just 3 years, this is what he told me:

“It matters a lot what you build your self-esteem around. Most people build their self-esteem around having the right answer, being right, being good, being smart — all of those things are a death trap.

Instead, build your self-esteem around being the learner, being able to admit that you are wrong — at any time, faster than anybody else. Around being willing to sit at the feet of anybody and learn and take in the good idea from wherever or whoever it comes from.

If someone attacks you and tells you you’re stupid, you should go: yes, indeed, awesome, thank you, tell me HOW I am stupid, and in what way.

Because once I know HOW I am stupid, then I can go and fix that.

I don’t build any value around myself being smart. There is no value in that… value is in the eyes of the “buyer”. So that won’t matter to me. Instead I acquire a skill and that skill is usable and usability is what I am all about. That is , with more skills, is really the only way that you are ever going to reach your full potential!

For me, the very meaning of life is to find out how many skills I can acquire that have utility and then put that utility into test and service of something bigger than myself.“

People who get ahead take their attention off how they look

(when it comes to self-protection,) and only put their attention there to cause themselves to be cause…

That sentence won’t make sense to you, so let me try again.

We think that if we are smart, or right, or have the right answer, then that has some value.

I have found that this thinking, instead, makes enemies instead of friends. And in addition to making enemies, they make you fixed. Stuck. Not moving. Shackled. And not causing anything useful in the world either. ¹

The only things that matter in life is doing things. What you do. And how you do it.

What matters is results. And results depend on your skill level and on your view of reality.

Your view of reality is probably the most important.

Even if you just want to appreciate what this guy Tom Bilyeu says, you need to have a rather accurate view of reality.

• If you view reality through a personal lens, your view is skewed.
• If you view reality through some preconceived notion, your view is skewed.
• Self-protection and self aggrandizing, feeling you are in competition, or in survival all give you skewed views.

Although I can’t watch you in action

Although I can’t watch you in action, I can measure to what degree you have your skewed view, and where in your worldview, in your view of reality you have fallen into error, where you have taken a wrong turn.

In essence, if your life is not as spectacular as you hoped it could be, the numbers in the Starting Point Measurements will show you why. In addition these numbers give a great clue to a coach what of your views need to be corrected so you can interact with reality with less distortion, so you can produce better results. ²

You see the guy in this quote invented a meaning for life: to see how many skills he can master so he can use them in his quest for a life worth living.

I am putting words in his mouth… sorry about that.

• He doesn’t say: the meaning of life is to know a lot.
• He doesn’t say: the meaning of life is to be smart, make a lot of money, or have fun.
• He doesn’t say: the meaning of life is to help others.
• He says: the meaning of life is to test the boundaries of your abilities by learning lots of skills with which you can do something. Something good, useful.

I know a lot of people who forget that the more they can do the more they can do in whatever they want to do. If they want to help others, then in that! If they want to make more money, then in that! If they want to make good movies, take pictures, do art that sells… then in that!

I don’t know many people who are interested in learning new skills.

Why is that? I think it is because they look at being smart, having the answers, being good, etc. as important.

And when you are learning a skill, you have to start at incompetence. Stupid. And maybe stay there for a while, while you are learning.

Not comfortable. And if what matters to you is how smart you are, or how good you are, then it is not something you are going to volunteer to do.

So, you see, this guy’s advice is suddenly a lot more relevant: you can now see, hopefully, that you’ve been stuck in building self-esteem around the wrong thing and that it is shackling you to mediocrity and not growth.

Your numbers in the Starting Point Measurements show, with pinpoint accuracy, where you can get unstuck.

1. I need to do an “aside” here: if you feel your precious I devalued because someone is better, smarter, etc. then you are still in this thinking: that you being right, being smart, looking good is important.

   If you are like that, you are not trainable, you will not learn. Because you are too hellbent on protecting your self-image around the wrong thing. You are probably poor, unsuccessful, and self-righteous. But you don’t have what you want… because you put your attention on how you look… Please read on…

2. Normally you would go out and start buying self-improvement programs based on what you want to accomplish. But that is an expensive, chasing the mirage technique.

   The more expeditious method is to find out what is your mistake, what is your error, and eliminate it.

   You can call it the Michelangelo Method… where you chip away at what is not effective, what doesn’t produce results, what is preventing you from having what you want.

   And it is NOT belief… no matter what anyone says!

   The Starting Point measurements is like an X-ray: it shows you where you are off… so you can stop wasting your time with ineffective actions.

   

   I have been refunding people’s payments who only want me to check their vibration. One number will not teach you anything. The 15 extra measures in the Starting Point Measurements are like a roadmap… show you how to get higher.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar View all posts by Sophie Benshitta Maven