In the 67 steps there is a method to make decisions using a calculator. 1
Nine out of ten students skip it, the one that does it does it shabbily. Students won’t do it or won’t do it right even after I send them back to do it.
Why? Because the method uses questions that you don’t want to ask. Why? Because they upset the apple cart.
I read a book, years ago, by a therapist, for people who can’t make a decision to leave or to leave… 2 The one question that no one asked before was: when it was the best: was it really good?
I was in a relationship when I first read that book, so I asked the question and looked. And then looked at every relationship I had ever had. I found that even when it was the best, it wasn’t really good… for me. As hard as it was to accept that, I decided that I am not going to live on crumbs any more… I am happiest alone, married to my life-purpose… I left and I have been a lot happier ever since.
A new question is a change in perspective…
As long as you are stuck in the same perspective, whatever it is, you will not climb out of the hole you are, and your life will not change.
Your unwillingness to ask new questions shows a deep-seated resignation or maybe even “racket” where you are more interested in being right about whatever you are right about, that you can’t, or that you are a victim, or that you are worthless… than going for what you said you wanted.
This is why million dollar lottery winners go broke fast, this is why even after a cosmetic surgery, people act ugly, this is why people muck up their relationships they wanted so bad.
I even notice this on myself.
I found myself weeping this morning over pictures in a river cruise catalog. Instead of asking cutting edge questions, really digging down to what is important to me, I just wept, like a weakling.
I wasn’t willing to tell the truth: I have chosen a life where travel is not really an option, at least not yet.
I have chosen what is important to me… and a river cruise is nice, but getting my work done … hell yeah, that is the question.
Changing the perspective
Looking from my deathbed, whenever that will be, is it more important, looking from that perspective, to have had seen those magical places, including seeing my hometown again, or is it more important to me to have taken my promise to Source to its conclusion, whatever that may be?
An experiment is an experiment. This one is a Grand Experiment, rare.
It is not a clear cut failure, like it was in Mark Twain’s book, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s court… There the experiment was a total failure.
My job, I feel, is to take this grand experiment to its conclusion. My hunch is that it is doomed to fail. A failed experiment.
In business they say: fail fast.
But declaring failure BEFORE it is clearly a failure is like leaving off the digging three feet from gold…
So I am not ready to declare yet.
But you see, the dynamic I have discovered by watching (and feeling) your behavior about changing your perspective, is very revealing, and predictive of the future.
PS: I have been talking a lot about becoming a Self, living on the vertical plane.
When I look at that and the connection to this failure, failing to even look to change perspective, what I see is the stronghold of identity.
In the process of becoming a Self, one needs to let go of all the stuff one holds near and dear to your survival, the identity. Maybe even the notion of what is important to you… because the you in that expression is that put-together puny identity.
You may never completely do that, but the more you do it, the more life becomes something that doesn’t need courage, because there is nothing to fear.
You become the hollow of the reed, someone who wasn’t born and can’t die. Timeless, ageless, a whole different entity altogether.
And as long as you are insisting on remaining that identity, life is hell. Hell on earth. You go from upset to upset, from disappointment to disappointment, from meaningless to meaningless.
That is the life of someone who lives on the horizontal plane…
Some of you don’t even understand what I am talking about. And some of you are unwilling.
PPS: I am experiencing a huge number of flies being born daily… there must be a source I haven’t been able to find…
I could be upset. I could feel ashamed for my dirty house. I could be miserable, frustrated, or both.
A change in perspective is due. I see that for now the “supply” of flies is infinite. I also see that I could practice and improve my coordination by developing expertise in fly swatting… as a sport. It is a lot more fun than being frustrated, and doesn’t really disrupt my day.
- Step 15 in the 67 steps
- Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum
