As you may know, I am doing my second round of the 67 steps. In step 13 Tai says something like this: if you are not happy, don’t throw everything away. It is possible that the unhappiness is due to a mismatch of your current lifestyle with your social needs…
Huh?
So I went back in my memory to different stages of my business, or the different businesses I had. And lo and behold, I found something totally freaky: I was happiest when I had at least one person cooperating with me in my business. Even if the cooperation was minor, and we didn’t interact much. Just knowing that I am not alone transformed my experience.
Now, this is a big surprise to me.
It is counter intuitive. I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I wasn’t even looking in that direction
And it is something that I can easily apply, easily accommodate without changing anything else.
At this stage of the game, I am alone, craving the echo of my students and clients. When there is a holiday, or on certain days, I shrink and wither.
No echo.
Whereas on days with a lot of interaction I come alive, and when I had someone working with me or for me, even if it was in a different country, I was part of something.
I would have never identified this as the source of my unhappiness. Never in a million years.
Why? Because ever since I have developed some self-awareness, I know that I am ambivalent.
I want something and I hate it at the same time.
I want someone to work with me, but no one is good enough… lol.
What I have never though of is that even with that unpleasant ambivalence I was happy then, tap dancing to work, and I am often unhappy now, feeling isolated.
Family, a room mate is a whole different story: family, a room mate, a friend are only interested in you stopping what you do for a living, not your work. So they are not with you, they are, in a lot of ways, against you, against what makes you happy and fulfilled.
I lived with “family” about a total of 30 years of my life, and out of those the only fulfilling, successful years were the ones when I slept when family was awake, and worked when family was sleeping.
And my overall performance, in other times was below acceptable.
So, I am seeing for myself two things I can do:
1. get a virtual assistant to do marketing jobs for me
2. create a website for people, who just like me, don’t know themselves.
A recently bought a website template that is perfect for a project like that.
And I have a domain name, custom tailored to the question I just found an unexpected answer to:
What is the truth about you?
There are so many self-administered profiling programs, I can introduce them all.
And I bet a lot of people will be vising, after all everyone wants to know about themselves, some for ego and gossipy reasons, others, like me, because a tiny insight can make all the difference in the quality of your life.
