All my life I tried to not sound arrogant. The more I tried the more people thought that I was arrogant.
Why is this?
I could not answer this question until this afternoon.
I have been walking up and down the hill. I get into conversations, and I have noticed that people are not hiding from me any more. Actually they seem to enjoy talking to me.
Today I talked to an 80 year old man who I thought was shallow… He actually shared his depth with me, and I appreciated and acknowledge that.
He said how refreshing that was to be acknowledged for his depth instead of his brilliance, meaning his PhD and college professor status. 1
At the end of the conversation he said that he enjoyed the conversation and would like to have more.
At that point I still didn’t know what was the difference about me or the conversation.
So I came home and reflected with the capacity of bilocation.
I saw that when I try to be something or try not to be something, then the whole thing is about me… and not the conversation, not about the other person… only about me.
That totally echoed what I wrote to two clients who were thinking about sharing this work… they both said that they were trying to find a time when the other person would be receptive…
They were trying to be something other than authentic, bold, and they were trying to make someone do something that they didn’t think the other would normally want to do.
Manipulation galore… but more importantly, the conversation was and was going to be about them… not about the possibility, not about this work, and even more importantly not about the other person.
It takes one to know one…
In Landmark Education they suggested that a concern is like having one foot nailed to the floor: all you can do is dance around it in a small circle.
Once you free your foot… i.e. allow yourself to be the way you are, warts an all, you can go anywhere, dance any dance, enroll, have fun, and have people say: that was an enjoyable conversation: let’s have more.
- I live on a street with many University professors, because Syracuse University is less than a mile from here… I could even share with this guy my theory about why all their wives are dying of cancer… I mean the wives of the professors… And maybe that is what started his self-reflection. I told in myself: “if you can’t take this… I have nothing else to give you… lol.”
