Life is a between you and you deal
The only thing that effects your quality of life is your own experience of yourself. Not your opinion of yourself. Instead your EXPERIENCE of yourself. Your actions come from that self-experience, aka self-image.
Others’ reaction to you or your actions merely brings that area into focus… your experience of yourself was already there.
Admonishment and your experience of yourself. Praise and your experience of yourself
Surprisingly almost every feedback shows up for the child (and probably pets) as admonishment. In India, I read, saying thank you to a relative, or saying “I love you” to a relative means the opposite: it means that you deny them, that you consider them strangers that don’t love you. 1
I don’t personally know this, but it muscletests as true.
On the other hand, in the Western culture, you don’t take for grated that someone knows you love them. Every time anyone says “good boy” or “‘atta boy” or whatever encouragements adults say to kids, it lands as the opposite. The child experiences that it is not OK in the world unless he is told…
And being told makes all the lacks, and all the “I am not good enough” as an experience bigger.
Same is being told you are pretty, or smart, or anything.
Now, what about nasty things we say to each other?
Let me experiment with you?
You are a Zebra!
How do you feel? Nothing, right?
Because your self image has nothing zebraish in it.
But if I tell you ‘you are clumsy, lazy, ugly, stupid’… immediately the self-image, which is just another word of “your experience of yourself” pops up, and you feel hurt, diminished, or angry. How dare I?
So, now what? Have you wasted all that time doing affirmations? Yes, you have. In fact you made it worse for yourself.
Have you wasted your time using self-hypnosis? Not necessarily.
Why? What’s the difference? The difference is in the experience of yourself, and when you do hypnosis with a decent hypnotist (only about 3% of practicing hypnotists are decent, by the way!) you experience yourself, so your approach is not the mind, it is an older “organ” of perception.
What is the most effective way of changing your self-image?
In my experience, doing what doesn’t fit with your self-image, and doing it a lot, and once it becomes comfortable do different actions that don’t fit with your self-image is the fastest and most lasting way to changing your self-image.
Not talking.
Why would you want to change your self-image? Because it is not beliefs that keep you stuck (belief is a mind construct), it is your self-image that does.
You can believe: I am a person who can… but until your self-image changes because you become a person who can, through small, frequent actions, which we call “practice”, you will continue living your life as a person who can’t… no matter what anybody says.
I am exposed to a large number of examples, as part of my work. I pay attention to what is going on under the hood.
I have coached hundreds of people in Landmark Education. I have coached lots of people since then… And this is my observation.
I have changed how I coach. I used to talk. I love talking… it is very creative for me.
No one has ever changed anything because of something I said. They, if they changed, changed because of something they did.
When I invented that I am the daughter for whom my mother made black currant jam… it gave me a whole different angle to look at my life, totally nonverbal, not even visual, it is more visceral.
Making black currant jam is a lot of work. It is only worth doing if the results say: I love you. Nonverbal communication. To a receptive individual.
I realized that I started to love myself when I first considered buying black currants to make jelly myself.
It’s a pity that I don’t eat bread any more.
Now… it is also my experience that most of you are unwilling to do the work it takes to change. Unwilling.
Even though intellectually you may know that it would be good for you.
But viscerally you are afraid that you’ll lose yourself. Viscerally you know that the way to bring up a child, the way to live to perpetuate your identity is to tell them you love them, while you don’t…
You can’t love anyone until you love yourself. And as long as your experience of yourself, your self-image is ugly… you won’t.
So what perpetuates the culture of hate is you. Congratulations. You are very powerful.
What does your self-image, self-loathing have to do with your vibration? Nearly everything.
So unless you can change your self-image, your experience of yourself, your vibration will stay low.
And anticipating what you’ll ask: no one can do it for you. No energy, no healer, no shaman, no empath, no one. Only you. And only through your own actions.
Bummer, eh?
Now, the next question you should ask: how does the Unconditional Love Activator effect your self-image?
The Unconditional Love Activator 2 is a “push your buttons” type of remedy. It brings out to your conscious awareness all the self-image issues you have. Once you see it, with the right attitude and the right tools, you can go to work and create practices that change your self-image. I have done it, and I have seen students/clients succeed in it. Completely? I don’t think so.
I love myself 80% of complete love. And yet when I brushed my teeth this morning I felt the foul taste of food that remained between my teeth in spite of brushing my teeth last night. I felt disgust. And in that very moment I got aware of a self-image I haven’t been quite aware of: Who could love and live with someone whose breath is foul in the morning?
Does it hinder me in life? I think so. In an area of intimacy, I guess… Can I get rid of it? Yes. Is it worth it for me? No, not at age 68, it isn’t.
Another question you should ask, if you have been following me for a while:
Does removing attachment 3 make it easier to do the work that improves your self image?
The answer is YES. In all the work I have ever done, that is the tool that has produced the most results, and the most lasting results.
But… it is still just a tool that makes it easier to do the work… the actions are still up to you.
- Related articles I found this morning: https://www.buzzfeed.com/andreborges/i-love-you-deepika-padukone
https://thenextmiles.wordpress.com/2012/12/29/how-to-insult-your-indian-friends-say-please-and-thank-you/ - Unconditional Love Activator
- You can ask me to check if you have attachment by sending me a small donation at https://yourvibration.com/attachmentcheck
