Before I get into the meat of the article, I’d like to share what happened in Israel during and after the War of Independence (1948-), lasting about 20-25 years.
Most new immigrants lived in kibbutzim, and in kibbutzim, a kind of ‘collective’, the children spent most of their times in children’s houses. They slept there too. Once a week they spent some time with their parents ( every kibbutz had their own schedule)
99% of the children who grew up in the kibbutzim became emotionally healthy, powerful youth and adults. Even the ‘runts’ were happier, healthier, stronger, than today’s people in Israel.
They won wars, and the country was a happy place.
Then when the danger on the country lessened, parents wanted to educate and nurture their children at home.
The age of weaklings, the age of psychologically impaired people’s age followed.
This is, obviously, my opinion, I have nothing else to support it but my empathic observation.
In the environment of the children’s houses no one was coddling you: if you didn’t take care of yourself, you were dead… You competed to be the best, and you grew like a weed.
Now, here comes the ‘meat’ of this article:
I am starting to see stuff emerging, becoming visible to me, that is more disturbing than most anything I have seen.
We have become numb, we have become blind to the fact that our family, our parents have effected on us the Parental Disapproval Syndrome… and our doom comes from that.
I am getting an insight of how it happens.
This is probably just a slice of the population, but I am seeing it now.
The least qualified person of the family becomes a despot, mostly the father, an autocratic leader, and the least qualified person, the least capable person becomes a caretaker, who teaches the children how to become a loser as herself.
Terrifying. It is there in my family… my mother taught me all the ways she knew and practiced to be a loser. I don’t see the distinction about my father just yet.
What is most horrid is that…
The weak ones become the dominant force for the future.
Here is the dynamic of the weak ones being put in charge of the offspring:
While one is in charge of another, works on another, helps another, ‘supports’ another, they can’t work on themselves.
They either refuse to work on themselves, or are unable to work on themselves.
Most of them, most of the time they can’t see what they should work on: they channel all their energies to work on another. Doing destructive work. At the same time they have permission to be miserable, but feel good about being needed.
I can’t change anything about your parents, but if I can save your children from you: I’d like to do that.
The reason humans didn’t, haven’t become human beings is this insistence to work on another, save another, help another, ‘love’ another… moochers, second handers, looters…
For other moochers, looters, second handers you look good. But your categorical refusal to become a producer, become an individual, to grow, is what has made humanity go towards extinction and has made every single person miserable.
The Original Design is not my invention.
It is clearly visible in the chromosomes of every single human. It is a plan, a blueprint, the direction humanity was supposed to go. We didn’t.
Every single ‘dark’ DNA light bulb on the Christmas tree is a testament of us not evolving. neither individually nor as a race.
There is a saying: those who can’t do it, teach it.
And by teaching I mean support, coach, help. It makes me look at myself, and this was definitely true two thirds of my life… Is it true today?
Not any more. So I can actually snap out of it, and put all my attention on my own growth instead of worrying about others, and shepherding others, and teaching others, and babying others.
In this regard, sandwiches (middle child) that didn’t get much attention are luckier than others… because the attention you crave comes with strings attached, strings to slavery, enslavement, misery, mediocrity, repeated life stories.
Now, what happens when I pull your anchor to your doom?
A lot of the doom and the Anchor to doom that I have seen deals with this issue. If the person is a parent or in a profession of caretaking: the most important action the person needs to take is to put ALL their attention on their own growth, instead of their offspring or the people who are in their care.
Can they do it? Will they do it? Will they be able to give up feeling needed and feeling valuable by dishing out toxins?
We shall see. Dark Side, Evil, in action. Please stop the Planet, I want to get off…
Get your Anchor to doom pulledPS: I may want to write another article for middle children… who are giving everything up for attention, for ‘love’ that isn’t love… I have a few clients like that.
thank you for your attitude. Refreshing. xoxo
I recognize that I do this quite frequently– “helping/dishing out toxins” instead of focusing on my own growth. Actually, I thrive on it. I’m without children and my work has no direct connection with “care-taking”, but do this with coworkers/family members. Hmm. This is an intriguing perspective to observe this behavior from.