What is your strategy to avoid your own transformation and stay miserable? Here are a few strategies: Which ones do you use?
Let’s first look what is transformation to understand why anyone would want to avoid it. After all transformation sounds all good, doesn’t it?
Transformation is very simple, but it is not that simple and it is not that easy to cause it, whether for yourself or not.
It is simple, because it involves a simple task: move to the left, move to the right, or move further back or sometimes move forward to have a different view of something that was “the truth” before, to create malleability mal·le·a·ble ( Synonyms: malleable, ductile, plastic, pliable, pliant
These adjectives mean capable of being shaped, bent, or drawn out: malleable metals such as gold and silver; ductile copper; a plastic substance such as wax; soaked the leather to make it pliable; pliant molten glass) to create change in “the truth.”
I always teach what is transformation through the story of me being in my office with the vertical blind. In this article I will give you a different example, where what needs to be changed is not the same.
Imagine that you are attacked. Psychically. The water you carefully charged is frequently reduced to rubbish, someone plants a device in you, like bugging you, like a device that makes it impossible for you to keep you and yours protected, like an attachment.
Life looks dim. Your work suffers. A large part of the day all you are doing is damage control, rebuilding websites, re-charging water, pulling energetic attachments, and trying to get rid of that horrible tension in your shoulders, that pressure in your chest. You have the thought: “This is how life is going to be…” And you feel depressed. Things don’t get done, you don’t want to write articles because this is the only thing you can think of… the bastard… blah blah blah.
OK, this is the starting situation, and you can see that it looks hopeless… It can only get worse…
Now, let us add a “transformational move:”
Expanding your cone of vision
If you look carefully, your entire cone of vision is occupied with the horror of being attacked, or being under siege. It is air-tight, it is hopeless… there is nothing that you can see that would give you hope. Even if you quit, you are a marked man, doomed.
What is the issue: your cone of vision is narrow. So what you need to do is expand it, flash it out, so more of the world can enter your consciousness… Suddenly you see the sky, hear the birds, see summer full blown outside. The sounds of Memorial Day Barbecue… joy. A little whiff of the burning, cooking meat on the grill… and suddenly there is more to life than what is happening.
You have elbow room. You can think of things to do, article topics, even love enters your heart.
Transformation happened.
You may have to repeat this often, but it works, always.
OK, but why would anyone want to avoid joy, peace of mind, etc, that comes with transformation?
Enter the EGO
Ego is the part of you, an aspect of you, that we could call the stabilizing instrument. It has only one concern: that you are well. It equates well with no change. It fights change: and it wins, every time. Every time when you force change, when people have a sudden flash of insight, a sudden infusion of money, a sudden source of joy: a new love, a new community, if you follow the timeline, every time the person returns to their previous state.
We could say that the ego works like a thermostat and a stabilizer combined.
Transformation is often blocked by the Ego.
Unless the Ego is enrolled, enlisted in helping you to change, it won’t help. That is the reason most programs that promise transformation don’t deliver, or deliver temporary change, but nothing permanent.
In fact, this is what started me on this quest to find a method to cause permanent change in behavior.
On the Connection Calls we often talk to the Ego to enlist it to help us change.
Most people start avoidance by not fully enrolling the Ego.
Here is a list of conditions that must be met if you want to have a successful enrollment conversation with the Ego.
- You need to make sure that Ego is fully listening. If you are one of those people that just start to talk, you’ll talk to Ego the same way, and you’ll get no cooperation from Ego.If you paid attention, you would know. Just like you can tell if the person is looking at you attentively, or pretending to look at you but they can’t even see you, you can tell if someone is listening, if you are communicating.Talking isn’t communicating. There must be a willing listening for communication to take place. And that takes us to the second criteria
- You need to make sure that Ego is fully enrolled in hearing what you have to say.Ego, just like your friends, etc. have a self-interest. If that self-interest isn’t involved, isn’t made to see what’s in it for them, you are still just talking: no communication is taking place, no cooperation is gained.You need to know who you are talking to and what is their self-interest. The Ego’s self-interest is to keeping you alive. The Ego has a mistaken view, that everything that you did and survived is going to continue to survive.If you are a smoker, it is the Ego that keeps you smoking away. “You survived it yesterday? You must do it today…” is the Ego’s mode of thinking, and that is what you need to talk to.There are examples of Ego-talk in the training area, they are available for people that have participated, successfully, in at least two connection calls.
One of the ways you avoid your transformation is that you are talking at Ego without considering that Ego has its own agenda, and you need to meet it where it’s at.
- You need to be clear about the request that you are making, the goal you want Ego’s help with. Vague, fuzzy notions will not be useful in this conversation. Clarity means precision.One of the ways you avoid your transformation is that you are not precise. You are vague, you are non-committal.
- You need to commit to action steps consistent to the direction and the goal you asked Ego’s help in.This is the step 99.99% of people concentrate their avoidance behavior.But this is exactly the step where the “help yourself and the Universe will rush to your assistance” applies, maybe the only one.
- You need to start walking the walk and talking the talk, or there will be NO result.
Having some nice experiences isn’t a result. It’s angel dust.
Transformation is much like pregnant. You are either pregnant or you aren’t. No gray areas.
If you went 99% of the way, but you didn’t finish it, there was no transformation.
Another way of looking at it is through a cross-country trip.
You start out in New York with the intention to end up in San Diego. If you get stuck in Kansas City, far enough from New York, you didn’t get to San Diego, even if it took you twenty years to get there…
On the road of transformation a lot of things will attract your attention, lots of inner and outer obstacles will show up.
Greed, resignation, excitement about another, boredom, distraction, are just a few examples.
Now you understand why there are only three people with an above 600 vibration on the planet at this time.
It’s not that it’s complicated, it’s not that it’s hard, it is more that you don’t have a big enough desire that would be bigger than the goodies you get by avoiding your transformation.
One of the most “innocent looking” modes of avoidance is helping another in their transformation. This is what gurus do, and this is what most people do.
It’s a strategy. It makes you look good, but it’s “borrowed light”, it is cashing a blank check.
This is why leaders in some transformational organizations die of cancer and other “pretense” diseases. The death rate is disproportionately higher for leaders than participants.
Transformation is an inside job, it is between you and you. You need to be willing to keep your attention with yourself, if you ever want to succeed.
And that is very very very politically incorrect. It makes you dangerous to the crowd, the masses, the authorities, your family.
Being an individual is the public enemy.
Conforming, by helping, for example, on the other hand is very pleasing to those that want you to validate their puny existence by staying the same.
And here is an avoidance strategy that drives me batty: You have a motor mouth.
You talk, incessantly. You talk to anyone who is willing to listen, and you talk to yourself.
Given that your reality is 50% given by what you say about it, your reality never has a chance to shift: there is no chance for any transformation to take place.
Recommended antidotes:
- Duct tape on your mouth.
- Breath through your mouth. Breathing through your nose keeps you mind chatter active. You have not chance to shut it up unless you are an experienced meditator.
- Remove yourself from the environment that returns you to your undesired and miserable reality with their questions and remarks.
Give yourself a chance. The reality you live in is the story you have created. There is nothing real about it. It is impossible to cause any change in your life without changing the reality you live in.
Transformation is designed to change the reality you live in by changing the occurring world.
The result is still an imaginary, made-up world, but a better version.
The real goal is to remove yourself from the world that you created and look at it as an observer.
That is the world where people, above 525 vibration, live. All one of them… But begin where you are. Work with what you have.
There are no jumps in transformation.
None. If you don’t know what I am talking about, read the article about that.
ok
I will keep trying to get through the layers, thanks Sophie.
My hunch is that at this point you don’t have a lot of specific words. You may want to increase your vocabulary… add words like muddled, fuzzy, garbled, hovering on the border… the more words you have, the more specific you can become. Use the comments to peel of the paint to get to the layer below. But have words for it.
“the soul mate persons ego seems to go deep in protecting itself from being seen, revealed, and connected to… whether it is for love, or if it is for hate.”
Yep, you’ve got that right. I am going against a lifetime of hiding, each time I respond to an article. I thought commenting would help me come out of hiding, and reveal where I actually am, not where I think I am. If I understand you correctly, commenting is not helping in achieving this at this stage.
“I prefer that you catch it, chuckle, and then look what specific thing you can see.”
Yes.
And as you say, I can’t see it. As I am writing, I actually think that I am being specific.
Catherine, at this point your speaking/writing is still on complete autopilot, even when you try really hard. That is hard to get, but the harder you try the more the depth of the automatic shows.
I prefer that you catch it, chuckle, and then look what specific thing you can see… It won’t be much for quite a while… the soul mate persons ego seems to go deep in protecting itself from being seen, revealed, and connected to… whether it is for love, or if it is for hate.
Thank you for the many distinctions in your comment. I will keep revisiting what you wrote.
There is an entire article’s worth of guidance/pointers in there, and I can only see the surface with my current understanding.
I can see you are correct, or rather I feel it. When I re-read my comment (above) the word ‘choose’ feels off.
I made several errors. I was comparing how I used to sometimes feel about my non-art work (that I “had to ” do it), with how I now feel (that doing the non-art work has a purpose). I went straight for the feel-good outcome, instead of going deeper into it.
Yes, I can see it is a pattern. I will keep looking out for it, and try to accept that it is there, before my other usual pattern kicks in; trying to fix it 🙂
I revisit my principles at least once a week, to make sure I am still in integrity.
Be careful with the word “choose” so it is real choice and there is no “because”
I don’t choose to do some of the work I do, I choose to make money inside my principles, but if it were up to me, I would not choose some of the things I need to do, some of the people I need to deal with… Telling the truth returns the power to me, instead of keeping it inside pretense, inside high-mindedness… I choose to be present even with people I don’t like, but I can’t honestly say I chose to be with them.
Your propensity to generalize is your main enemy, and it seems that soul mate, the soul correction, may be about that. After all you cannot be soul mate based on generalities, just like a key won’t open a lock unless it has specifically the grooves it needs to have to match the lock. Specifically is the keyword.
I made a problem for myself. I see that I was looking at the work I love doing (painting) in terms of, ‘I cannot make enough money.’
My entire cone of vision was occupied with where I wasn’t, not where I am. Now I say, ‘all the work I do I choose to do, and I choose to do my best, and it is supporting me to do more painting.’ That is true for now. I will have to revisit this to make corrections ongoing.
Wonderful. I spend too much time arguing for my limitations. A strategy to keep me small, safe, and blameless. I will benefit by stepping back to observe my story as story. And keep in doing it. These little moments of clarity are embarrassing. Seeking agreement for that which does not work is not the answer. I am a human being, and I have the capacity to become an expanding human being. A journey worth taking.