What keeps you stuck
I am starting see that what keeps you stuck is that you identify yourself with your thoughts or your feelings, or both.
Bad news: Thoughts and feelings are reactionary: Without a circumstance changing, neither of them will change, and life will continue to go downhill.
Your thoughts and feelings can only change when something else changes. Why? Because thoughts and feelings are like a thermometer. They are a reaction to something else… Thermomenter reacts to the temperature. Feelings and thoughts react to some other circumstance.
Unless somne circumstance changes, nothing will change.
But given that you are neither your thoughts, nor your feelings or emotions, you actually have the power to change circumstances. Circumstance synonyms: situation, conditions, state of affairs, position.
- You can change your attitude… from the point of view of thought snd emotions attitude is a circumstance.
- You can change where you are looking from: same old or a new place… this is also a circumstance: what you’ll see will change with the vantage point.
- Or you can simply detect that you want to react in a predictable way, and do something different. A new action will predictably change a circumstance.
My predictable way of reacting to everything
My predictable way of reacting to everything has had a base mood of resignation: it’s over, it’s screwed, nothing is going to help it.
If I acted from my resignation, you wouldn’t know me: I would be dead. Or an unhappy architect. Or some other life I moved out of when I created an action, big or small, that didn’t come from resignation.
My mother’s base mood was also resignation. Resignation is like a bird who says: I can’t do anything, I can’t flap my wings, and even if I could, what difference does it make?
Ugly.
And yet, when it’s us, we behave as if there could be no other action than what we have been practicing all our lives.
By the way: I am lucky.
You see, my “therefore” is very extreme, and at least some of the time I could see that it’s a knee jerk reaction.
The therefore says:
I didn’t succeed, therefore I should give up and die.
I made a mistake, therefore I should give up and die.
I don’t feel well, therefore I should give up and die.
I am late getting up, therefore I should give up and die.
I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, therefore I should give up and die.
My Witness aspect started to watch this phenomenon early on. It never stopped. The thought popped up, seemingly out of the blue: therefore I should give up and die.
Your therefore may be less “out there” and you may be obeying the thoughts it creates, and your life is a result of that.
Some examples of frequently seen reactions:
It’s wrong, dangerous, hard…
…therefore it has to be fixed…
…therefore I have to say it
…therefore I have to fix it
…therefore I can’t do it
…therefore I have to run from it
…therefore I have to fight it
…therefore I have to hide
…therefore I have to drink, give up, settle for less, etc.
Severing the connection between the dominant belief about you or life and the actions is the job of the “dominant belief” removal.
As you can see, it doesn’t actually remove a belief, it removes the inevitability, unavoidability of the action. It gives you an open slate…
If you have never paid any attention to your actions
Maybe you have never paid any attention to your actions, only your thoughts and feelings. If that is you, you’ll need to shift your attention to what you actually do. Most of you belong to this group.
I know it sounds easy, and it is. Even if you have never done it. Just like walking is easy… and yet you need to learn to walk.
The question you could ask yourself: I wonder what it is that I am doing? What is the action I am taking? Right now!
I wonder what it is that I am doing? What is the action I am taking? Right now!
If it is waiting, then it’s waiting.
If it is thinking about it, then it’s thinking about it.
If it is getting depressed, then it’s getting depressed.
If it is going to the refrigerator for a snack, a beer, then it’s that.
If it is arguing, the it’s that.
If it is clamming up, and not talking… then it’s that.
catch yourself doing what you are doing
You do this for a while and catch yourself doing what you are doing. This will create a starting point.
You see, if you are totally unaware of what it is you are doing, then changing what you are doing is difficult… isn’t it?
It has happened to many that they thought they were doing something new, but it was an illusion… their “new” action was their “normal” action.
I can’t do it for you. I can pull and sever the connection, but you still get to do the work: notice, observe, do new action.
What I am removing is that the old action is the only action.
It doesn’t matter how long it will take you, if you start today, you’ll get a new life that much sooner.
You can start and deal with the fear later. The life you’ve always wanted is on the other side of this… the new actions can take you there.
What are your typical, customary actions? You can share below. Asking the question of yourself will bring yourself to clarity faster.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IsSpNWOavo
Here’s my share:
My actions right now and pretty much my entire life are that I am waiting, just waiting, but not doing…
As an added bonus, I also let feelings and thoughts stop me in my tracks. I could never see they are simply temporary emotions.
You and seven billion others.
I just muscletested you and the biggest missing for you to know you from all else is flexibility, the capacity.
The name is misleading, somewhat, but if you look at the reed: no matter what wind blows, it knows where is home… once you know home, you’ll know everything else is temporary, including emotions
thank you for seeing it.
thank you for the example. I get it now! I have so much to work on in this area. But at least I see it now.. thank you
congratulations.
Yesterday I went to a local park pool to exercise using the buoyancy and resistance of the water. I have planned this trip a number of times in the past but didn’t complete it. It felt freeing to know that I followed this through so I could do something I enjoyed.
I will explain it through my example: the first significant shift I initiated by declaring: My life will be about others, not about me. It took me years to take my eyes of me and my life, but I did it.
The second big shift was: I want to be well and live till I am 120, so I have time enough to make a contribution to the world.
The third shift was: I live on the edge, with my eyes open, seeing things that others don’t, and I see distinctions that I can come back with and help humanity with to transform itself.
So you see, I first had to get out of the mindset that it’s all about me.
Second I had to get out of the behavior that allowed me to be sloppy, eat what I want, etc… and then be sick
Third I had to choose a context inside which I will do everything.
There is nothing I do just for me.
I recommend that you take on first your reactive nature. Something like: I am a match to life. I stand in front of life looking it straight in the face, and refrain from the behavior of the puny, fearful, angry child. I am an adult, and I bring the capacities of an adult to life.
It will be the hardest you’ll ever do, but it will make you proud. It is also your soul correction, so soul will help you every step of the way.
That makes sense. I would like clarification on attitude. I did read from your article that one way to change your circumstances is to change your attitude. My attitude has been for a long time seeing the worst in everything and then I would speak the worst and then be fearful. If not changing my attitude toward love then what should I be shifting towards?
Theo, I prefer that you use effective actions, instead.
Love achors you on the horizontal plane, on the plane of society, of sheeple, of slavery.
Please instead create actions that are unfamiliar and constructive: i.e. build something substantial, instead of love.
great article. I will focus on my attitude. That will be the best way for me to change my circumstances now that my dominant behavior is cut. My new attitude is that every day I get up I will give and receive love. Today is another beautiful day AND I will give and receive love. I can observe my actions and find out if I am giving and receiving love so that I can catch myself when I am not.
congratulations. small miracle. thank you for sharing.
here’s mine:
It happened earlier today.
About a week ago I enrolled in an online 10-week course for the third time (gave up twice). I want to finish it this time, it’s challenging, taught by great professor, but it’s a field completely unknown to me.
After listening the lectures of the first week, reading the instructions ‘how to’, I downloaded and installed the required programs and the anxiety started rising slowly, but surely… A mix of thoughts: ‘do I really need this?’, ‘what for?’, ‘I won’t be able to do it’ and the like were crossing my head. I got up and went for a walk to run away from it.
And then, there was a little voice ‘it’s your choice, you can quit any time’. after getting back home as if it led me to try out the first exercises and assignment. And, although the fear was there, I made myself focused on instructions and following them back and forth a couple of times, one by one, slowly but surely, I climbed over the first step (week)…
Let me start the sharing: this happened just now…
A month or so ago I ordered something in the mail. I ordered the wrong size. I gave up (as usual) but I got a form mail from the company asking me if I was happy. I replied that I ordered the wrong size… and left it at that… I was sure that my complaint won’t be seen by anyone.
Today I found out that they sent me a return authorization slip: I can return what I bought and get a refund.
Now, most people that I know do this habitually… but my dominant belief that I am not deserving of anything… has kept me from EVER returning anything, no matter whose fault it was. So this is a VICTORY.
I was so emboldened that I went to Amazon and requested to return the microscope I bought, that didn’t have a large enough magnification.
DOUBLE VICTORY… OMG!
UPDATE It’s 20 minutes later, and a huge resistance is present. My shoulders, my neck, my face, my jaws are all tense and hurt. It seems that I am over the easy part, asking for it (this even surprised me!) and the hard part is actually doing the repackaging, etc. I’ll do it, but the FEAR is tremendous. So I am going to procrastinate a little, but I promise that I’ll be done by noon… I just gave myself a deadline…