On being trainer, a leader… allowing someone to upset the apple cart 1 and what YOU can learn from that.
It’s Sunday, so I permit myself a little more time to find out what is other people’s agenda… i.e. I read some emails in my inbox.
I do it randomly: I allow the spirit to move my hand that holds the mouse.
I think my conscious mind is completely disengaged: I am not looking for anything in particular: I have more on my plate than I can handle, thank you very much.
THE HAND opens a video. Brendon Burchard pitch video for High Performance Academy. Something about getting things done.
It auto-starts… I scramble for my headset. I catch the tail end of his introduction… I am drawn into the video… and then, suddenly, I need to go to the bathroom, blah blah blah.
Hm. I always pay attention when something is “suddenly”.
No matter what he is going to say, it is going to upset the apple cart. No matter how long it’s taken me to arrange the apples on the cart, what he is going to say will force me to re-arrange the whole darn thing: is it worth it?
Not only that, if I want to be listening, I will need to listen from nothing, which means I need to declare myself incompetent… and I am the most productive person I know… but still.
And not only that, in what he is teaching, I will be a beginner. And I will need to bring all the changes to all the areas of my life, including my teaching: is it worth it?
Familiar lurches of fear, anxiety, anguish, fear of failure perform their light show in my stomach and chest… I am still on the potty, taking my time. Going back to the computer means decision time, and I am not ready…
Maybe everyone is like me: maybe I should allow my students to run to the bathroom and in the peace of the smallest room of an apartment, allow them to choose to be trained, choose them to allow me to upset the apple cart, again and again and again.
I come back and watch the video. Of course it upset the apple cart.
I don’t know what I am learning, but I definitely retained one thing: people don’t only want you to care about them: they want you to care about whether they will learn what you are teaching or not. Wow, I never thought about that. Do I care? Do they know I care?
I really hope so.
I have been teaching (coaching is teaching!) for about 25 years, and only just recently have I been able to experience being effective. I think I care that they learn more than they care! And yet… Maybe I wasn’t caring about them enough?
Whatever the case, something changed and I, we are experiencing real learning, us, the handful of students that set out to be pathfinders for the new humanity.
We are a diverse bunch, on all different levels with all different issues. And we are moving.
I take a mental note to share this with the group: don’t forget to care. Don’t forget to be present with people. Don’t think you can get anywhere with people feeling left behind.
It’s probably not a coincidence that this week I had to perform six psychic surgeries.
Don’t ask me what it means, I can only share the experience: I have someone on the call. They are blocking an activator download, or even the Heaven on Earth download. I check and it’s one person, and the blockage is in a specific area of their body.
I ask if it is a Dark Side attack, if it is limited to them, if it is aimed at us.
Then I ask if I can remove it… If the answer is yes, I remove it. It is much like how Neo reaches into his girl friend’s body and directly squeezes her heart in one Matrix movie.
I reach in, I grab the intruder, I start to pull, and pull and pull, until all of it is outside of the body of the effected. Many are 30-40 yards long, much like a long long worm or snake. I clap my hands, and continue doing the session. I have a fleeting moment of fear that the “thing” may get into me, but I brush it off, and I am fine.
Six of these in a week.
I have identified that all of these were from their haughty behavior, being condescending, acting as superior.
I completely identify with the anger and vengefulness of those let down by my students. I h-a-t-e being put down myself! Don’t you?
You are not superior, you need to see the best and the divine in people. We are all in all different places, and none of us are better.
Work on doing YOUR work, and work on appreciating others. Life will be much better, and I won’t have to do psychic surgeries, instead of teaching you.
Allow me to upset the apple cart… you don’t know how to put people at ease just yet.
Nancy, your first feeling, anxiety, is your first automatic feeling, frustrating is the second.
You want to dig there. You want to catch the meaning YOU add to failure, or holding up the class. Really, the WORDS. Trust me, it will be the most valuable exercise you can do.
My first automatic feeling was fear (it still comes up when I need to energize water) and the words I caught “I can’t”
Once you look at the words with your eyes open, (in front of you and not inside ravaging your insides,) you see that it has a hidden future tense, i.e. it predicts that you X… but it cannot know. It doesn’t know. It is just the mind going on autopilot, doing its own thing. It can be safely ignored. My answer to my mind was (to the “I can’t”) “Who are you to say?” or “It ain’t necessarily so…”
The second one I use 20-30 times a day when the mind jumps into conclusions. Nothing is as it seems. Not a thing. You need to dive in the middle of it.
Superiority is so ubiquitous that you probably don’t notice. Instead of craving company, go deeper inside yourself. You have a lot more work to do before you earn the company of people of higher vibration.
Also, I have found that your higher values may be lofty ideas at this point and your actions are not in sync with them… if not so, forgive me. I used to be like that, so I am projecting. OK?
Christine B you are not alone I too have the same fear of being the one that doesn’t connect and holds up the whole class. Well it happened the other day and I survived LOL The anxiety I feel is far worse than the reality. But I still had the anxiety again today (Frustrating!) and the relief when Sophie says I am connected is HUGE I will be glad when connecting is second nature
I also had (don’t do it any more) the pattern of abandoning before I could be abandoned
I was accused of that very thing recently but for once it wasn’t true LOL
I hate to bring up the subject of superiority again but I feel the need to clarify. I don’t think I feel superior, I feel like I don’t share the same values as a lot of people that I know or meet. I want to connect with people that DO share my values.
Although maybe I am not understanding your response Sophie (above) but it sounds like you think my words show that I am feeling superior.
Oh, one more thing. You are not sleeping much these days and I notice that I am sleeping much less these past few weeks. Anyone else needing less sleep since the course started???
Thanks
Nancy
Must be.
It’s only simple when I don’t make it so difficult (beliefs).A lifetime of running is truly exhausting!
Wow, this simple (?) incident will raise your vibration significantly
Congratulations.
Here I go risking public humiliation again, however, something happened last night after the healing call. I had an epiphany of sorts….
Last week, no sooner had I written that quitting wasn’t an option, I thought of quitting this class/group. Why? Fear! Not good enough, no confidence, being judged, etc.
Every time I come on a call, I’m afraid of failure, afraid I won’t connect, afraid I don’t fit in, afraid I’m the one holding the class up.
I stayed away for a few days, regained my confidence, but as soon as I heard my name, FEAR! Then the connection modality changed, more fear.
After last nights call, and a tearful interlude, I realized that I was doing what I’ve done my whole life, running away! I’ve done it in all my relationships throughout my life. Abandon them, before they abandon me. Judge them, before they can judge and hurt me. On and on….
I remembered Sophie’s words to ego because I wrote them for her. So what? Game changer! I am no longer the child hiding from mother so she won’t send me back to the orphanage, I have nothing to hide from. If I fail, so F’n what? I will do it the next time, or the next time.
I need this and I want this, because I want my life. It’s a brand new day!
yes. your wording belies your superiority
I have noticed in myself that I am not wanting to engage with `unaware` people aka sheeple. Perhaps others in the group are feeling this way and it is being misinterpreted as `superiority`. Could this be causing the attachments
Your vibration is 200. I don’t know how you perceive what you perceive: I am an empath.
Okay, I’ve had some hit and miss sucess on doing something similar to the psychic surgery proceedure discribed above on myself. So the question I have is if a person can pull it off (or out as the case maybe) 2 or 3 times, but has to make multipul attempts each before each sucess what is it that’s going wrong with those other attempts? Is their brainwave state, or vibrational rate wrong? Is there something else holding me back?
I’ve also had a number of sitations where I’ll get the thing part way out and then it’s suddenly stuck I can’t even cut off what’s already out to prevent it from lodgeing itself all the way back where it was before I ever got to it. Or at least it feels like that’s what happened, I only have my internal screen and sense of touch in the part of my body where whatever I am trying to pull out is so I can’t be certain of what’s really going on. I can’t help but wonder if in those instances what I am doing wrong, and how to correct whatever the issue is.
a little extra hoe here and there is a small price to pay for the privilege of flying… start “drinking on the job” as Jodie’s teenage son remarked… lol
Yesterday’s connection call totally upset my apple cart. I have been playing it safe, staying FAR away from fear… and now, I am going to face what freaks me out the most. So, paying attention to when I feel fear, these were the two biggest things:
— I feel a strong twinge when there’s a project I can’t finish in one sitting… I fear I’ll forget to come back to it, so I put it off for when I’ll have a huge chunk of time…and then forget about it anyway… so I just don’t start it… and then I’ve already failed.
— And the HUGE one for me is when I think of putting myself “out there” where people could judge my intelligence, that others would think that I think I’m better than anyone else, ridicule/criticize/not like me. (some things I’ve ditched: sharing a poem I wrote, writing a book, doing youtube videos–my dad put some up of me and I won’t even watch them– etc)
So, I’m allowing you to upset my apple cart, Sophie. I’ve decided that I am going to read my poem at a conference later this month for open mic night (heart pounding) and when the school year is finished, I am going to begin writing the book. I just may go through my year’s supply of HOE in less than 6 months.