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I bet when you read ‘c-word’, you were thinking of something else… But don’t be mistaken, people are more afraid of commitment than the c-word you thought I meant…
Here is a quote from Rob Brezsny: When a crocodile slams its jaws shut, the energy it summons is powerful. But when the beast opens its jaws, the force it exerts is weak. That’s because the muscles used to close the mouth are much more robust than the muscles used to open.
Humans, you? shy away from commitments: Commitment is jaws open… allowing. Why?
Because commitment feels like bondage, like voluntary enslavement, like saying a lot of no’s to a lot of nice things… the end of a life of liberty. Life opening up, and you need to stay open.
Commitment feels like opening yourself up.
Open is associated with danger. You leave your door open, your car door open, your mouth open, your heart open… Untold and unimaginable dangers may come.
So whenever you actually do make a commitment, everything goes haywire. As if things got a signal: NOW…
The phone will ring for emergencies, everyone will suddenly want your attention, you’ll win the lottery, you’ll lose your checkbook… your dad’s health will turn for worse, you’ll remember all the things that need to get done… a whole slew of unexpected events will come your way to excuse you of that commitment… (as opposed to what Murrey says in his famous quote)
I use the word commitment only for big things like losing a hundred pounds, giving up sugar, starting a business, getting married, starting a healthy diet, starting a workout regimen… actions or purposes that without commitment will never happen… actions or purposes that need you to re-arrange your life to fulfill upon.
What happens when you finally make a commitment?
Common sense (coming from false teaching) says that commitment would open up the channels of a benevolence that would help you every step of the way.
Your gut instinct says: if this is the right commitment, then it will be like heated knife going into butter… easy.
Even the famous commitment quote says something like that.
‘Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, the providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.
I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!’
When things don’t happen the way you envisioned, the way Murrey says in his quote, you quit. ‘It must be the wrong commitment…’ or ‘I am not cut out for this’ or ‘I can’t’
We only want that which is easy… that needs no push, has no obstacles, no steep hills, no problems.
If it turns out easy, the commitment happened inside your little box… and I would not call it commitment… it was more like a prediction. It is more of the same… It may be more, better, different… but not a commitment.
What is the nature of reality when it comes to commitment?
- When your Soul hears you uttering the commitment, the Soul jumps of joy… You feel that. It feels like a mix of fear and excitement.
- When the Ego hears you uttering the commitment, the Ego cringes and tightens up… and it says ‘No effing way way!’ The Ego is the selfish gene… working diligently against upsetting the homeostasis, upsetting the apple cart
- When the Universe hears you uttering the commitment, it says: ‘Oh yeah? We shall see…’ And starts mounting obstacles, watching you to see if you meant by commitment: ‘pushing through, no matter what, so help me god…’ And you, of course, you quit. And the Universe already knew that: you have a track record of doing that…
On the rare occasion that you actually meant what you said, you meant ‘no matter what,’ and you are willing to push through the initial hurdles, and then the hurdles of no results, the too much work… the doubt: is it worth it? period, then the Universe says: ‘oh, he means it, she means it… let me put my energy in to help.’
How many times does this happen?
- Most people will never experience it.
- A lot of people will experience it, and will talk to everyone about it, but never do it again.
- And some people, a few, make it the way they grow, make it the way they create a meaningful life, the life of an Expanding Human Being.
Making a commitment is like a muscle: you need to practice it to eventually become a match to a larger commitment.
Oh, and no matter which group you belong to, the initial hardship is there, even if this is the 100th time… but ‘no matter what’ can win if you push through.
You either build a track record of winning or a track record of quitting
I have had lots of personal experience with this. One was connected to my commitment of teaching creating a meaningful life…
- Suddenly everyone wanted to book a session with me, so much that I didn’t have time to do it.
- Suddenly all my computers crashed, the internet would disappeared on me.
- Then the people next door hired a crew to work on their house, workmen with acute anxiety and 70 vibration. I was watching it with morbid fascination as the obstacles were moving from physical obstacles to emotional obstacles.
I have a picture of myself from that time. The picture that was taken of me just after I committed to teach people to create a meaningful life. On the picture I am fat, my hair is the color of carrots, my face is puffy, bloated. I remember the time: I wasn’t a happy camper, and I was in a phase where I repelled people… My mind was screaming:
‘Who do you think you are? You are alone and you’ll stay that way! No one can love a slob like you! Quit while you are ahead!’
These were the shouting voices in my head… And finally the the death blow: ‘You should kill yourself!’
Luckily for me I didn’t live in my head.
I already lived on the vertical plane, and I was just watching it from the position of the Observer. ‘Wow… the commitment must be really important, really big… if the Universe is pulling out the big guns!‘
When you get to live on the vertical plane, you can see that the size and intensity of the blockage is an indication of the size and importance of your commitment, a valuable feedback from the Universe, a validation of your commitment. This insight will carry you through those boulders the Universe piles up in front of you to test the strength of your commitment.
Until then: you will likely quit the commitment, because… and because, and because…
In the normal human state YOU are not willing to own that you cause anything. In fact you feverishly avoid being on the hook. Instead you point to some feeling, some emotion, some thought as the REASON responsible for you doing things… not you.
When you commit, you don’t allow any circumstance to take over being the cause… And that is what makes it so frightening, because you are so used to being the effect…
Now, given how difficult it is for us to commit to something, and how roughly the Universe responds when the commitment is big… how are we EVER going to grow, change, become better?
Studies of human behavior have shown several things:
- Principle 1: You can commit to a final outcome, but start very very VERY small… For example you may want to commit to stay young and vibrant by becoming a person who exercises.
Tough commitment if you have been sedentary.
You can start with standing on the treadmill for a few minutes… You can start with tacking a little bit onto something you already do… For me it is going downstairs to get my mail. I live an the second floor. I first added: open the front door and stand on the stoop for a few minutes… Then I added: walk to the curb… then walk to the next house… to the park… to the first tree in the park… You get the gist. By now I can walk halfway through the park and I am even enjoying it… It hurts less. Yesterday I even added squats… 10 on the park’s guardrail.
- Principle 2: if someone watches you, you’ll more likely to stick to the commitment
- Principle 3: if you schedule it on your calendar, you are 3-4 times more likely to keep your agreement with yourself.
- Principle 4: if you tack it to an already established habit, like my picking up the mail… it is easier to remember to do it… This is called ‘habit stacking’.
Given that your habits decide what you’ll have an what you won’t in life… Being able to have a say in the matter of habits is very important to everyone… And yet it feels mostly hopeless.
I just listened to a talk on habits, and the speaker managed to bring hope into my heart… and tears into my eyes.
I’ll work on the topic of habits and commitment with people one-on-one this coming Saturday in the Saturday webinar. And, of course the entire HERO PROGRAM is to provide the support you need so you don’t drop the ball and become someone you have been wanting to become, someone who does the things you desire to do, and doesn’t do the things your current self is doing regularly.
Let’s tame your commitment muscle
