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I had an insight yesterday that was completely driven home today by my guidance system.
We see something, and then it’s gone.
It is gone, and it didn’t have time or a receiver to impart the important learning in what we saw.
This happens with such frequency, that we stop paying attention to our inner guidance, our bodies talking to us…
We see the the feeling for a moment from the corner of our consciousness, and the guidance is lost… again.
If we surrendered to be guided, surrendered that you have lessons need to learn, we would be given another chance at seeing the same insight, this time with a little more clarity, a little more reason why we should pay attention to it.
So many people want to find out who they really are, so many people want to find their real selves, their true selves.
This past Saturday I held two meditative sessions, really introductions, to our inner guidance system, IGPS, and shared with the group the mode of communication, the language of feelings that are there for one reason only: to guide us.
And without knowing the language, without considering the feelings guidance, we are entirely and completely manipulated by words… mostly others’ words, and the little voices that also don’t belong to us.
And the moment there are words, the feelings are no longer guidance, they are emotions, that are ‘marker’ feelings. Psychosomatic.
Before I learned that I had no understanding, no compassion for people or even myself.
The other day I got an email from the first student of mine: she has been there, from the very beginning.
I copied here our email exchange:
She: Very often I recognize a feeling that I’m doing something wrong and recognize some connection to the words: ‘I’ll be caught because I’m doing something other (usually something I love to do) than what I’m supposed to do’ – The feeling takes me back to memories of early school age when my mom caught me playing instead of doing homework and she yelled at me…
Me: I recommend that what you want to recognize in that what is not yours (as you can see, my email style is cryptic: I don’t want to create the insight, I just want to give a little bit of input so she can have the insight all on her own)
She: well… I’m not quite clear what you mean… let me see/check what I got from ‘it is not yours’:
it – the feeling – is not mine and I’m carrying it as my burden…
or: there is something else which IS mine and I don’t see it… and the job is to find what it is?
Me: neither. the words are not yours. they come from your mother. That what you are doing is wrong. that it doesn’t please her… it creates a fear of not being loved if you do something that YOU want to do. the fear is fully and totally yours. but not the speaking. We all have it… in a world of ‘adults’ we were never allowed to do what we wanted to do, we were forced to do what the ‘adult’ wanted us to do.
This is a recurring story among many and maybe all of my students
She: this sentence: ‘what is underneath is the fear of not being loved if you do something that YOU want to do.’ That hit hard and it hurts!
This conversation lead to an insight that being loved is the most important thing for a human, especially for a human child. Why? Because being loved assures that you are going to be being fed, clothed, and protected, meaning, that you can survive.
Beware: myth killing! It is important to note, that we don’t actually want to be loved. Deep inside we KNOW that humans and even human beings cannot love unconditionally, and conditional love is poison. So we don’t want to be loved, we want to survive… but we think it is called love… another subtle way society has brainwashed us. If and when you use, successfully the Unconditional Love Activator, you’ll see the truth of this and the liberation that comes with it.
Survival is the most important concern of a human who has stopped growing.
And when I say a human, I include myself, even though I have managed to transcend the concern. Transcending means growing beyond, above, getting bigger so the concern for survival is now there on the bottom of the concerns instead of the topmost. (I measure in the starting point measurements if a client is able to let go of that self-concern, the concern for survival… also the payoff of their racket… but that is a technical term.)
1I had three relationships in my history. All three times the same thing happened: I tried to adjust myself to what I thought the partners wanted me to be. All three instances I tried to be not independent, not brilliant, not ambitious.
I did all I could to become not me… and of course I was miserable.
I didn’t know I was doing this… I wasn’t conscious enough, I wasn’t self-aware enough.
But after that email exchange and while watching my guidance movie (from the Legend of Korra avatar series) I realized that it is universal to fashion ourselves after the perceived expectations of others, that wanting to survive can completely strip us of our individuality by becoming a slave to what we think others want us to be.
But what we think others want us to be, more often than not, is inaccurate…
We don’t know what would allow us to meet others’ expectations of us… we don’t know what others really expect of us, and what expectation we are supposed to meet.
So we live in a confused maze where there is no ‘us’, there is no freedom, there is no chance for growing.
In all three of my relationships, the love that was there in the beginning soon left. They stopped loving me, because I became different from the woman they fell in love with. And I stopped loving them, because they were my jail-keeper.
In my relationship to my clients and students, I have resisted the pull to morph into who you have been wanting me to be: savior, all-knowing, invincible.
Now, if you wonder what I mean by internal guidance system, IGPS, you are not alone. Even though you were born with it, even though you can learn to use it… it has a language.
The body. Feelings. Not emotions, but raw feelings.
In the upcoming Inner Authority course that is all we are going to do: learn the language, learn to be guided, learn what obstacles we create, what obstacles we allow to it.
We’ll see the difference between the pure physical guidance and the soul’s nudging, the spirit stirring, the evil inclination, the soul correction… they all guidance energies… some guiding you to good, others guide you to bad.
Some teachers, originally, had something to teach but had a weak or no commitment to live courageously as their real self, have not said no to your ideas of who they should be, and thus have taken on, as ‘their’ truth, some of the weird ideas you have of the world, dimensions, spirits, psychopaths, aliens, reptilians, channeling, instant this and instant that.
Some are struggling with split personality disorder as a result, and madness takes over. Your commitment to weird is boundless, and you will corrupt anyone who is willing to be corrupted… After all: misery loves company. And then: you blame them.
Now, put yourself in their place, and look at the world, look at your life, and see it for what it is: a house of mirrors. If you have the courage to see it and the horror of it, you’ll get enough courage to say no to all those mirrors and get to the nothing where you can become your self again, your real self, your true self, the real you.
The soul wants two things: to walk your own walk, talk your own talk, to be your self… and to perform your soul correct. This wanting is so strong, that it will make you bitter, angry, and miserable if and when you don’t obey. Counter-cultural, but true.
Like with every choice, choice is mostly unchoosing, and therein lies the biggest problem.
You cannot build a self on the top of what’s not-you. It is an either this or that phenomenon, you cannot have your cake and trash it at the same time!
Until you start finding the ‘not-you’ and say no to it, you will never be able to get to the nothing that will allow for the emergence of the real you. And for a while you won’t know who you are…
But if you want to have a chance for happiness, you need to say all those no-s, and keep on saying them until there is no not-you left.
The two selves, the fake pretend self and the real self will never exist at the same time.
For some people they alternate: maddening and confusing. For others the number of fake selves is as high as the number of people they know.
You need to be willing to be nothing to get to the real self.
It’s worth it.
The find your real self activator can help guiding you, if you are willing and ready to say thousands of no-s. If not, don’t bother.
So what should you do now?
I recommend that you immerse yourself into the 5senses webinars that were offered for free, and are a good introduction to what we are going to do in the Inner Authority course.
Go to step 2- I have many clients who are not able, or not willing. One of the payoffs one can get is being right. Being right about anything, but especially about a delusion that ‘you know’. Sacrificing everything on the altar of ‘I know’ is deadly. For example I have a client whose water gets stuck, reliably, at 500 vibration. Coherence is 653… but for the past few months, every since he saw that the Soaring Method will only work if he is willing to be wrong, he bucked down… and now he KNOWS, he is RIGHT, and his water cannot get coherent.
